Bali and corn on the cob

We’re off to Bali again. Our favourite hotel, warmth from the sun and the people, and great food. We used to love the nightlife when we were younger, but our cage-dancing days at the Bounty Pirate Bar are over, and the jam jars of Arak have been superseded by a cold Bintang on the beach now. Besides which, all that shenanigans has moved away from Kuta, up to Seminyak and Canggu to feed the Russians, who are trying to infest the Island in parallel with bits of Europe. Kuta is much more sedate these days, which suits us fine.

Ah the Truntum. It’s been through more name changes than Elizabeth Taylor. First, it was the Natour (Balinese for Nature). Then the Inna, then the Grand Inna. When we heard it was changing again a couple of years ago, we bet on the Illustrious Majestic Grand Inna but the marketing guys lost out to the name ‘Truntum’ which is a Javanese pattern of Batik. Well who would have figured? We don’t care what it’s called really, so long as they keep the swim-up pool bar.

The Indonesian government is making it harder to get into Bali these days. They’ve decided on an approach that maximises the amount of administrative red tape, to weed the chaff from the wheat. Three different web sites, three different entry applications and declarations, with three different government agencies. Oh, you want me to type in my full name again? And my date of birth? And my passport number and inside leg measurement? And the results from my last rectal scan? No problem – I had nothing better to do. Oh – and let me get all the way through my entry declaration before asking for an arrival date – and don’t tell me it must be less than 72 hours before I land, so you can reject all my data entry. Nice one.

The entry requirements now involve these three things, for each person:

• Visa on Arrival (VOA). This can be done at the airport on arrival, but the queues are long, and the booth workers are understaffed, overworked, and abused by foreigners. It’s not a good welcome. Get an e-Visa instead. Skip the queues by paying $50 upfront each and filling out all the red tape here: https://evisa.imigrasi.go.id/. You’ll need a photo of the main page of each passport, and a photo of you that’s a head shot – which is what you feel like receiving halfway through the application.
• Bali Tourist Levy. If you queue up at the airport, they will do this at the same time for you, albeit slowly. This is IDR150,000 per person, but at least they’ve made the online application relatively simple here: https://lovebali.baliprov.go.id/. What do you get for this? Zip.
• Indonesia Arrival Card: This has to be done 72 hours or less before entering the country. It’s free, but annoying. You can fill it out here: https://allindonesia.imigrasi.go.id/. On completion, you will get a bar code, which the friendly customs guy will scan as you enter the country. Remember – don’t do it too early, you will lose all your work.

So, what will we be doing in Bali? Well – gone are the days when we would take day trips to see beautiful waterfalls or active volcanos. There’s plenty of that nature stuff to do, but trouble is, we’ve done it. Many times. So, our days will be futile, yet relaxing. Our days will usually involve (in order), breakfast, shopping without buying anything, a massage – usually foot, but sometimes a wider expanse, a beer at Yulia’s Kitchen or Cafe Dulang, telling lies up at the sunken pool bar, sunset on the beach at Sam’s Bar, dinner at any of the excellent restaurants we’ve found over the years (except Jamie Oliver’s), back for Jack’s on the balcony, and sometimes a sneaky night swim even though the pool is closed. Sleep, repeat.

The recipe for this post is slow-cooked corn on the cob. The reason I’ve included this, is its simplicity. I normally want to try to show off with more complex, or better-looking dishes, but I did this dish recently and it was boringly brilliant. I get some corn ears, cut them in half with my cleaver, get all the detritus off the outside and wash under running water. Get maybe a litre of water in the bottom of the slow cooker and arrange the cobs as you like. Lots of salt, some pepper, and strips of butter so that the butter melts over the cobs as the pot heats up. Then on low for 5 hours. Salt, pepper, or some garlic BBQ rub can be sprinkled. Take them out of the liquid and serve with more butter!